Family Laws

1. WORK        
Family Laws and Pre-Set Consequences help me to keep high expectations without using anger to motivate.  For years, I have used the phrase that work earns food, which was motivating, but sometimes it contradicted the basic duty of parents to providing food for their children- since it is a necessity of life.   We tried work earning play and work earning money which sometimes worked and sometimes didn't.  All year I have been struggling over what the family law should be... does work earn food or play or money?  I had an "a-ha" one night that it earns all 3!

Some work earns *FOOD (such as their assignment for helping prepare or grow the food)
1 exception-- they have to have a clean body and room before breakfast everyday.
(They are in charge of setting their own alarms + getting up and ready before family scripture study)
Some work earns PLAY/privileges (personal duties like their **family chore and homework)
They cannot go outside, play with friends, use technology, etc until their chore is done.
Some work earns ***MONEY (house/yard work that lightens parents' responsibilities)
I made a list of house and yardwork that needs to be done weekly and but a price on it that I was willing to pay them and let them sign up.  They kept it for the whole month long.

*Since I have 6 kids, they each help cook on their assigned breakfast day, lunch day, and dinner day. Sunday is cereal and leftovers or I cook. If they refuse to do their meal, they cannot eat that meal that day... it never happens.  My kids love helping me cook-they plan the meal with me so it's nutritious and something they like.  This way I don't have to restrict their food anymore. As long as they are willing to help cook, they can eat as much as they want. If the meal runs out, I just stay loaded with carrots, bread, milk, eggs, peanut butter as options to fill up or snack on.

**They only have one family chore a day.  It's either their breakfast day, their housework day, their lunch day, their laundry day, their dinner day, or their yardwork day.

***They earn money from, but they have to budget and pay for their own clothes, extra learning (½ sports), and fun.

2. HONORING PARENTS
I have been in massive training this summer with obedience, respect, and emotional control.
My goal is to be super kind yet not permissive of disrespect and defiance.
I've tried time outs, but what if the child is too big to take to time out or won't go?
This is the system we have worked out: (It is tough, but worth it)

There are 4 basic skills that children should have while interacting with parents
(This is from a book called, A House United)
1. Receive and Instruction (say "yes mom" and quickly obey and report back)
2. Receive a *Consequence (say "yes mom" and quickly do the consequence)
(jobs are not the consequence, they are a result of not receiving a consequence... see below for natural consequence ideas)
3. Receive a No Answer (say "yes mom" and drop the topic- no whining)
4. Disagree Appropriately (say "yes mom, may I suggest an idea I think is more fair"...no arguing)

If they cannot receive an instruction, consequence, or a no answer then I tell them they are 1 square below the privilege line. (which means they owe me 1 small job or act of obedience)
I then give the instruction a 2nd time.  If they don't receive and do it, they drop 2 more squares below the privilege line.
I then give the instruction a 3rd time.  If they don't receive and do it, they drop 3 more squares below the privilege line.

Usually they will obey an instruction by the 3rd time, if not- I just drop the topic and they have no privileges until they've done 30 minutes of work for refusing that instruction.  In the meantime, if I have to give different instructions before they have earned those back, they can drop even more if they don't obey those instructions.   The quicker they soften their heart, the quicker they get privileges back.  I give them a list of jobs to chose from.  They can pick from my 5 minute job list (1 square), my 20 minute job list (4 squares), or my 60 minute job lists (12 squares).  They can also move up a square every time they obey an instruction right away that I give one out naturally.

*Consequence ideas:
-Don’t eat meal= Don’t get snacks

-Eat before prayer=wait 5 minutes to eat.

-Fight over toy/game=lose toy or pulled out of game for a period of time

-Name calling/verbal abuse= say 10 kind words or write letter of forgiveness + kindness or soap in mouth (swearing)

-Hurt someone=time out

-Bad for babysitter=pay babysitter

Joy Balance

Children need parents and Parents need children.

They bring a balance to each other which creates joy.

I am thankful my kids keep me playing 

and they will be thankful one day that I keep them working!

Winter Activities

Sadie and Mollie learned how to bake and decorate 

fancy cakes for grandma Anneli's 90th birthday party.

Myriam learned how to play "Finlandia" on the piano for 

Grandma Anneli's 90th birthday party.

It is grandma's favorite song because she is from Finland.

Donny took Mollie on a fabulous evening

cross country ski date to up Green Canyon to the yurt.

 Packer and Mom went on an all day ski date
 at Beaver Mountain
(Paid for by Packer for all his reading at school
in the "Beat the Teach" Competition)

Donny spent as many Saturday's as he could ice fishing.

He's getting good at cooking it too!

Myriam bagpiped at her first funeral and earned great money.

It was freezing, but she did well.

Myriam did some amazing art work

that was displayed at Spring Creek Middle School.

Paula, a girl from Columbia who lived with my parents

got married in the Salt Lake Temple

Hosting Thanksgiving

This year we hosted an Anderson thanksgiving dinner at our house.

The night before, grandma Anderson provided pizza and we 

got to mingle with Alexa and her fiance Joe.

Here is a picture of Kathy telling stories to the children after dinner.

Donny's sister, Kimala, and her children (Casey and Leanna) and grand baby (Riley)

surprised everyone by driving all the way from Seattle. 

They drove all night and arrived at 5:30am on thanksgiving day.

(Donny bought a guest bed for Holland's room and got it all set up just in time)

Here is a picture of the oldest Anderson grandchild (Leanna), 

the youngest Anderson grandchild (Benson), and the first Anderson great grandchild (Riley).

My kids couldn't get enough of Riley.  

When they said goodbye after three days, they were so sad to have him go.

Here is Holland holding Riley. She loved "mothering" him.

On Thanksgiving day, we all worked our tails off in the kitchen.

Myriam and Hunter spent the morning shining silverware, 

then Myriam made 5 apple pies from scratch. 

She was peeling and chopping apples forever!

(When her beautiful cousin, Marissa, came, she jumped in and helped her.)

Sadie made cute name cards, set all the tables, 

and then made 3 huge bowls of mashed potatoes.

As Donny would say, she has "the abundance mentality."

Holland and Packer each made a strawberry pretzel jello,

Donny cooked the turkey, and I made tons of rolls.

(Aunt Marla was in charge of salad and she went overboard-

she made 5 different kinds and they were all delicious.)

After all the cooking and cleaning, 

they are now more grateful for all the work they never noticed before.

The rest of our weekend was full of play and eating left-overs.

Bridgett and Meagan slept over. The girls decorated for Christmas, 

played dress ups, made up harp/violin duets, and played card games. 

The boys went shooting, put up Christmas lights and played neighborhood basketball.

We all played ultimate Frisbee, went hot-tubbing at grandma's, and watched BYU football.

3 cheers for family gatherings!!!

I am so grateful to have great in-laws.

They are so fun to talk and play with. 

Annie Musical

                                 

Sadie wrote and directed a musical for our kids and 3 other families in our neighborhood.

(The Bradys, Cantwells, and Hamiltons).  

The Bradys and Cantwells have been doing a family bookclub with us for the past few years 

and we decided to take a break and do a musical this month.  

The kids took it all on themselves and the parents just got to enjoy.

Sadie learned so much and really developed some great skills 

in organization, technology, management, choreography, time management, etc. 

They did a great job performing it- 

I was happy to see my children "anxiously engaged in a good cause"

Sadie was Miss Hannigan, Packer was Rooster,

Myriam was Annie, 

Holland was an orphan,

 Hunter was a policeman

(and he managed the music/sound)

What great kids!
Here is the link to the youtube video:
"Annie by Sadie"

Monument Valley Trip

Over fall break, I took my family to Monument Valley with some of my siblings and their families.

 We had an indian placement brother, Eric Cly, who was from there.

Donny and Myriam bagpiped "Go My Son" at his grave.

(He was struck by lightning 8 years ago while selling indian jewelry)

 We had a bus tour- this photo is in front of a monument called "3 Sisters"

We hiked to the top of a huge Mesa- 

(it was one of my favorite hikes ever)

On the way there, we stopped at Goblin Valley and had a hay day!

As we pulled up and my kids looked out at the neat arrangements of rocks 

they saw a huge playground and gave a huge cheer in our van.

(They were as happy as if they had arrived at Disneyland)

They took off running- they climbed and played and explored all morning.

It was the perfect time of year to go because it wasn't hot!

On the way home, we stopped and hiked to Delicate Arch.

 During all our hiking, we had a "buddy system"

to keep track of all our kids.  

Myriam had to do a lot of hiking with Benson,

Sadie with Holland, Donny with Packer, and I was with Hunter.

(Hunter got a lesson here about not carving his name at a National Park!)

It was such a fun, quick trip.

Thanks to Lizzie and Charles for drumming it up and inviting us.

Monopoly and Mentoring

We have been playing a lot of monopoly with our 4 older kids lately. It can sure bring out emotions-even in me. Myriam dominated and Packer was constantly trying to give his money to those who were losing.
I realized a good life lesson. Just going around and around the board won't help you win. You have to build. I often go around in circles of routine in my life and get nowhere unless I am building relationships.
I have learned two MENTORING techniques for helping me build better relationships with my children lately:
1- INVENTORY
   a. Close your eyes and picture one of your children
   b. Ask yourself, "What does this child need?" (Ponder/Pray)
   c. Write down the main thought you have.  
    It could be temporal (new pants,shoes), social/emotional (friends, fun), 
    spiritual (help with prayers), physical (activity, healthy food)
   d. Plan a time on your calendar to meet that need.
   e. Repeat this process for each child (and your spouse). *This can be done weekly and also during or after a tough emotional moment. My wise friend, Christine, taught me that rebellion is a sign of unmet needs.
2- INTERVIEWS
   a. Find an unrushed time when you can connect with your child (like bedtime tuck in)
   b. Ask them quesitons to get them to open up to a flowing conversation.  
    You are tapping into their inherent desires/passions, not your goals for them.
    (What are you excited about?  What do you want to do/accomplish?
     What do you need?   What are you struggling with?)
   c. Listen to what they are really saying and feeling. Tune in completely.
   d. Respond with love and understanding not lecturing or criticising.
   e. Identify what their needs are and plan how you can help them.
   (Ask yourself as you look at them and listen- "What does this child need?")

CAMPING WITH COUSINS (Tony Grove)

 

We started off the Anderson reunion this year at our house.

Donny's sister and niece (Kimala and Lee) stayed with us for a week prior to the campout.

This is a picture of Sadie and Myriam helping  Kimala sew curtains for her school classroom.

We LOVED mingling with them, as always.

They are so helpful and easy going.

This year the biggest lesson I learned from Kimala was to do the things that are "needful."

There were moments when I was cumbered about with work and she helped me realize that

sometimes it is the right "order" of things to leave the house or yard "out of order" to focus on people.

 Donny loves camping at TONY GROVE.

He books it 6 months in advance and hopes to find family to join him.

This is Donny with his brother, Mike.

 

Donny already has Myriam converted to fishing.

They only caught weeds until the morning we left, though.

They made us a delicious fish lunch, which I even liked... and I don't like fish.

The boys were phenomenal at keeping the fire going constantly.

The girls (and Tanner) kept the campground filled with music.

Sadie brought up her ukelele.

This is Meagan and Bridgett singing a beautiful duet.

This is Tanner playing the little violin Sadie gave him.

Sadie and Bridgett borrowed a boat and canoed around the lake. 

 The kids loved playing "Wackie Six" in the Trailer

Donny got a group to play Bocce Ball with him.

There is nothing like camping with family!

So much time to just focus on each other and pull away from the world for a while.

I loved it when I was a child (we had "Stout Camp" every year) And I love it as a mother.