Obedience/Respect Training & Family Chores

OUR FAMILY VALUES

1. OBEDIENCE (receive instructions & obey quickly)

2. SACRIFICE (accept no answers & do duty before play)

3. LOVE (disagree respectfully, don’t emotionally or physically abuse people or property)

4. CLEANLINESS (Clean body & room and Leave no trace- tidy up after yourself)

SKILLS PARENTS & CHILDREN SHOULD DEVELOP

4 BASIC SKILLS PARENTS should develop:

1. Teach “WHY” (give the reason) before the “what” (the instruction or no answer).  Always use persuasion, kindness, pure knowledge. This will prevent yourself from being a dictator. Children need to be TRAINED in respect- it doesn’t come naturally. TEACH them to right way to receive an instruction, accept a no answer, or accept a consequence (Role play looking at the parent in the eyes with a calm face and saying “yes mom” then going and doing it)... AND how to make an appeal (calmly ask the parent to reconsider their decision with an idea the child has thought of that they think is more fair).... THEN when they do ask to make an appeal, LISTEN and consider it if at all possible. (Beware of pride).

(Then patiently re-teach in every situation until it becomes a habit.  High in expectations & love)

2. Be Generous and caring about the welfare and happiness of your children. Before you give a No answer, first consider if you could possibly say “yes.”  ALSO, Be Generous in Rewards and SMALL with consequences to TRAIN not PUNISH.
3. LISTEN until you understand them fully before you give a consequence (Seek first to understand, then to be understood).Consequence right and wrong not preferences or annoyances. Use programs as tools to teach not weapons to punish. Don't revile back when they are rude to you. Stay calm when they are upset and let them talk- help them think through solutions. Don't punish them for the way they treat you-return good for evil-turn the other cheek. Consequence their fights with each other, but don't consequence their rudeness to you or you are modeling it's ok to fight back.
4. Be meek/easy to be entreated... Always listen and consider their appeal if they can make it with a soft heart and a soft voice. Be agreeable and a peacemaker.

4 BASIC SKILLS CHILDREN should develop:

1. Receive an Instruction (Calm face, look eyes, say yes mom, go and do, report back)

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.” (Ephesians 6:1)

2. Accept a No Answer (Calm face, look eyes, say OK, drop it- no arguing)
3. Accept a Consequence (Calm face, look eyes, say OK, drop it- no arguing)
4. Disagree Appropriately (Soft heart & voice, ask if they can make an appeal= suggest another fair idea for parent to consider)

WORK BEFORE PLAY STANDARD

 

WHAT OUR FAMILY PRIVILEGES ARE:

A. NO PRIVILEGES (Red Light) before any work is done

B. BASIC PRIVILEGES (Yellow Light) are earned when their 5 daily chores (rocks) are done.

1. Play Inside  2. Play Outside   3. Play with Friends  4. Read extra books for fun alone or with family

*Our five daily chores are:

1. Family Scriptures   2. Clean Body & Room   3. Breakfast Clean up   4. Family Scriptures   5. Family Chore  

-If kids start playing or take off without their daily chores being done, I teach them the rock/sand principle and kindly ask them to get their chores done first. (kindness, patience, pure knowledge).  I remind them that they haven’t earned their yellow light/basic play privileges yet.  (I even have golf balls with those 5 topics written on them for them to put in a jar after they do each chore)

-For clean body and room, I have cards they turn over when they are done with each task.  The cards have pictures for make bed, say prayers, shower, get dressed, brush hair, brush teeth, tidy room, tidy bathroom. These have to be done before they can eat breakfast.

C. FULL PRIVILEGES (Green Light) are earned when they their daily chores are completely done, if they have a respectful +obedient attitude, and any consequences for hurting others have​ been met. (They are at the privilege line)

1. Stay up/Evening activities (honor thy father & mother that thy days may be long in the land)
2. Outings/Extra Privileges
3. Technology (games have limits though- only learning games and minutes have to be earned by piano or reading classics)
4. Sugar/Treats

PARENTING TOOLS

1. PERSUASION- first teach, explain, try to soften their heart to obey
2. REPAIR injuries- if they abuse someone or something they have to repair/repay in a way parents agree.
3. REMOVE PRIVILEGES- if they cannot be persuaded and refuse to obey/accept consequence/no answer (are out of instructional control and totally hard hearted) they may need to lose privileges.  (We have a privilege line with a chart of squares underneath it that their magnet moves below.  We give the instruction/consequence/no answer 3 times to test their obedience.  Each time they cannot receive it, they drop a square below the privilege line- up to 3 askings- which means they will have to do 3 obedience instructions/jobs for that situation and any others that they cannot receive afterwards IN ADDITION to their original 5 chores in order to get to full green light privileges (otherwise, they stay at yellow light level). If they were rude or disrespectful to a sibling, they drop below acc to degree of injury and serve that sibling (not parents) to move up.

(Yellow light and Green Light are like the 3 degrees of glory- disobedient choose to live at a lower level of privileges)

4. REMOVE the PERSON- if they are blocking others from their tasks or disturbing the family activity, they may need to be removed (i.e. to their room) for the good of the whole until the activity is over.

OUR FAMILY CHORES

1. PRINCIPLES about TEACHING CHILDREN RESPONSIBILITY:

1. Children can help provide for the physical needs of their families by helping their parents with their work, studying well in school, taking care of their clothing and other possessions, keeping themselves and their home clean and neat, and maintaining good health. (FAMILY GUIDEBOOK) https://www.lds.org/manual/family-guidebook/fulfilling-family-responsibilities?lang=eng

2. Order is essential in the heavens; if it were otherwise, chaos would rule. Order is just as necessary in our homes. President Kimball said, “Plan well and carry out your plan in an orderly and systematic manner”

https://www.lds.org/manual/the-latter-day-saint-woman-basic-manual-for-women-part-b/homemaking/lesson-27-caring-for-our-homes?lang=eng   (Relief Society Manual)

3. Connect Work & Food... Gen 3:19 In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; 2 Thessalonians 3:10 For even when we were with you, we gave you this rule: "If a man will not work, he shall not eat.  (We have learned to just withhold snacks that day if they refuse to do their food chore, unless they do a makeup food chore so they don’t have any basic need un-met and feel abused/neglected… we also don’t allow snacks if meals aren’t eaten)

https://www.lds.org/bc/content/shared/content/english/pdf/language-materials/36612_eng.pdf

4. Connect Work & Money… “Have a simple family economy where children have specific chores or household duties and receive praise or other rewards commensurate to how well they do. Teach them the importance of avoiding debt and of earning, saving, and wisely spending money. Help them learn responsibility for their own temporal and spiritual self-reliance.”- Elder Ballard

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2005/10/what-matters-most-is-what-lasts-longest?lang=eng

5. Connect Work and Privileges… If homework isn't done, technology can be withheld. “The connection has to do with work and privileges. Watching television is a privilege that is earned by being responsible. A child who is irresponsible can lose a privilege.” (strengthening the family course- applying consequences)

    B. HOW WE APPLY THOSE PRINCIPLES:

1. WHAT our Family Chores are:

Each day they only have one family chore (in addition to helping with every meal clean up)

It rotates by day, but stays the same for each child each week. If you don’t have 6 kids, put yourself in the gaps

Child #	Cook Bfast	Laundry	Cook Lunch	Housework	Cook Dinner	Yard  (repair/piano winter)
1 2 3 4 5 6	Mon                     Tues            Wed              Thur               Fri                     Sat	Mon                     Tues            Wed              Thur               Fri                     Sat	Mon                     Tues            Wed              Thur               Fri                     Sat	Mon                     Tues            Wed              Thur               Fri                     Sat	Mon                     Tues            Wed              Thur               Fri                     Sat	Mon                     Tues            Wed              Thur               Fri                     Sat

2. HOW we PAY for family CHORES:

A. Work earns FOOD  (by the sweat of thy brow, thou shalt eat thy bread all the days of thy life)

If they refuse to do their food work (cooking or gardening), they don’t eat that meal. They help pick the meal that they cook- (we have pretty much the same meals each day of the week)

B. Work earns MONEY  (I am a homemaker, so I pay them for their housework job + their laundry job. They then have to pay 10% tithing and 10% savings, the rest goes towards clothes, fun, or extra learning (if they want to do a sport, they pay half) They sign up for housework at the beginning of the month and do the same job each week on their housework day. I pay $2 for them to wash, dry, fold, + put away their own laundry.

*Our weekly housework assignments are:

    1- Clean kitchen appliances ($1),   2- Vacuum Vehicles ($3),  3- Mop Kitchen Floor ($1-2),

    4-Vacuum House + Stairs ($3),   5- Clean Bathrooms ($6)    6-Wipe Furniture (couches, piano, desk) (50c)

*Our weekly yardwork assignment is to care for their garden+sign up for a different part of the yard for pay:

    1- Mow Lawn ($4 whole lawn or $1/section)    2- Edge Lawn ($2)       3- Weed Around House ($4 or $1/side)

                         4- Pick up Yard ($1)            5- Straighten & Sweep Garage ($2)

*We pay them once a week (every Saturday)

C. WORK develops TALENTS:  Piano or Repair Job in winter - they can choose.  If they choose piano, they pass off one song a week- on their piano day. If they choose repair, I give them something that needs to be done that week.

D. All Work earns PRIVILEGES (Work before Play- do your duty first)

*Every child helps with meal clean up- I started by training them in the one that is their level.

Once everyone was do everything, we made a daily rotation.  (Many hands makes light work)

    1- Wash Dishes   2- Load Dishwasher  3- Dry Dishes  4- Sweep Floor   5- Wipe Table   6- Wipe Island/Stove

E. GUNNY BAG

- If they leave anything out and I pick it up, I put it in a DI bag in the garage.

I take it to the DI once a month and let them look first to see if they want to buy anything out. (25c/item)

-If they want it before the DI check, they can buy it out early for 25c or an extra 5 min job