Obedience Training

Ever heard of "Potty Training in a Day?"
I loved that method with my kids.
In summary, you demonstrate with a doll the correct way to go potty in the toilet,
then all day long you reward every time they go potty in the toilet by giving them a drink
(so they have to go again soon) and you PRACTICE ten times every time they have an accident.
So, you go to where they had an accident and they practice saying "Oh, I need to go potty"
and they run to the toilet.
This teaches them that it is way more costly to have an accident than it is to do it right the first time.
(Usually the reason they have an accident is because it seems too costly to stop
what they are doing and go potty in the toilet)
It takes major focus on that one child the whole day long.
It consumes all you do, but it is so worth it to have them trained so well and so quickly.

I had a strong impression last month that my children needed OBEDIENCE TRAINING.
It has taken more than a day, but it has been so worth it!
(It was pretty grueling the first 2 weeks, but now it is quite manageable)
Here's what we do.  Every time I ask a child to do something,
I look them in the eyes and expect them to do 3 things:
1- Look me in the eyes and say "Yes Mom" --
(there is one alternative... they are allowed to say "May I....."
and then give me an idea they think is better.
Then whatever I decide, they say "Yes mom" to)
2- Go and do what I asked
3- Report back by telling me when they were done.
*If they obey and do these 3 steps, they get a token to put in their treasure box.
(After a child earns 28 tokens, I take them out for a frozen yogurt date)
**But, if they don't obey- if they are defiant and resistant,
then they sit on the couch until they are ready to practice obeying 10 times.
This takes so much time and emotional effort, but it works.
Here's how we practice: I ask them to do the thing required, they practice saying "yes mom,"
then fully do the task, then report back.
I have really seen a change in my children. They are more respectful and obedient.
I feel strongly that to raise "stripling warriors" in these days, we need to train them in obedience.
Remember the stripling warriors in the Book of Mormon?
They obeyed every command with exactness... and they were taught by their mothers!

SO, I tried handling this for all situations- even non-obedience things- like fighting, but it didn't work.

I found a better way for other categories of unkindness outside of obedience to parents.

They sit on the couch until they are ready to tell me what they did wrong, say sorry, 

and tell me their plan to correct it.  (The ABC's of repentance)  

It usually eliminates my need to come up with a consequence.... 

their plan to correct it has to match the crime, so it is a self-imposed consequence.  

Their attitudes change because their thoughts change while coming up with the correction idea

and in actually admitting their wrongs rather than defending themselves.

This whole idea is a mixture of three books - 

1-"A House United" where the children learn the three steps to following an instruction and how to disagree appropriately

2- "Potty Training in a Day" where they are rewarded for success and practice for failures

3- "Child Wise" where time out is called "Reflective Sit Time" where you pull the child out of a situation they handled wrong and they have to think differently- recognize what they did wrong and think through what they are going to do to correct it.