Books that have Changed Me

Recently I was asked, "What book or something you have read has changed you?"
I really liked that question. I like to read.  Which things have taught me things I have really applied?

1. "The Sermon on the Mount" (Matthew 5-7) and "Christlike Parenting" by Glenn Leatham
These both have helped me become more Christian- more like Christ, not just a regular church- goer.
They aren't about making things fair.  They are about loving our enemies and returning good for evil.
These helped me be able to change from reviling back at those who hurt me...
I don't seek to "get even" and I pray for love and help to control my temper.
The Young Women Personal Progress experiences have helped me work on developing my divine nature. (especially being peacemaker)

2. "The Times in Which we Live" by President Hinckely
This has influenced us to pay off our house at rapid speed.
 "The economy is particularly vulnerable. We have been counseled again and again concerning self-reliance, concerning debt, concerning thrift. So many of our people are heavily in debt for things that are not entirely necessary. When I was a young man, my father counseled me to build a modest home, sufficient for the needs of my family, and make it beautiful and attractive and pleasant and secure. He counseled me to pay off the mortgage as quickly as I could so that, come what may, there would be a roof over the heads of my wife and children. I was reared on that kind of doctrine. I urge you as members of this Church to get free of debt where possible and to have a little laid aside against a rainy day."
3. "Baby Wise" by Gary Ezzo
This has helped me develop structure and routine in every day life for me and my children.
Our needs are met in a routine way, so we can get so much more done beyond the basics,
and we don't have to live in moment to moment crisis.
It has helped me develop effecient systems in homemaking and motherhood.

4. "Thomas Jefferson Education" by Oliver DeMille
This book has changed what I read. Our whole family devours classics now.
We seek learning and wisdom by reading out of the BEST books.
We have family book clubs for discussing classics that we read on our own.
We have family reading every evening where we read classics together.

5. "The Screwtape Letters" by C.S. Lewis
I now have a purpose in life for caring for the elderly.
After reading this book, I invited Donny's grandma to come live with us.
She passed away and now Donny's mother lives near us.
This reaching across the ages has made a neat connection both ways.

6. "7 Habits of Highly Effective People" by Franklin Covey
This book still guides me in how I plan my time.
I focus on my goals and my roles.
It also helped me realize a role in  my life needed to drop
because it was too big and could be delegated to someone else
so I could "play my position" better instead of playing the whole field.

7.  "Mothers Who Know" by Julie Beck
This talk helped me prioritize what things to drop and what things to keep doing.
It really helped me value homemaking and motherhood and not stretch myself too thin going beyond that.

8. "12 Steps to Whole Foods" by Robyn Bradshaw and the "Word of Wisdom"
Because of this book our family eats so many fruits, vegetables, whole grains.
I make my own yogurt, we do "box gardening" where we really maximize salad type veggies.
The Strength of Youth pamphlet emphasizes balance and moderation and avoiding extremes.

9. "The Peacegiver" by James Ferrell and "Love Busters" by Willard F. Harley, Jr.
These books have helped me become more of a peacemaker with family and neighbors.
The Peacegiver helped me to forgive someone who was hurting me and my family.
It gave me the knowlege and power to serve them and turn them from enemies into friends.
Love Busters helped me learn to prevent wars with my children by asking nicely instead of demanding.
Asking nicely and seaking peace, helps prevent anger.

10.  Genesis 3:19- In the ^asweat of thy face shalt thou eat ^bbread
This scripture has helped me to teach my children to work with natural consequences without using force or anger.

A few spiritual moments

 This winter, our girls got to sing with the USU institute choir

at the Assembly Hall in Salt Lake City.

They really felt the spirit strong by singing with such a great choir.

Donny got to ordain his oldest brother, Gregg, to be a high priest.

Then they spoiled us with a fantastic Sunday Dinner.

Rocks and Change

Last night as I was tucking Packer into bed he was teaching me all about rocks.
Here is a picture of his little collection.
As he described how a sedementary rock can change to a metamorphic rock over long periods of time
because of the pressures and experiences it goes through,
I realized that I am so impatient with myself- wanting to change my nature and become like God now.
TIME and experience will mold us. We have eternity to go through the process and our pressure and experiences will strengthen us.

The PRIDE Disease

Donny and I taught a marriage seminar this week.
We decided that the best marriage advice is to kill pride.
We compared it to a disease, like cancer, that can spread within us without us even realizing it.
If untreated, it will ruin us and the relationships we have with others, especially our spouse.
Here's a summary:

A. DEFINITION of PRIDE:
1- Arrogant, Hauty, Overbearing
2- Emnity (hatred, hostility, opposition) toward God & Others

B. SYMPTOMS:
1- Feeling Bothered or Selfish (ungenerous or seeking more than others)
2- Acting like a Dictator (controlling, demanding, forcing our way)
3- Justifying our Hatred (feeling angry and unforgiving or unmerciful)
4- Feeling Cold (repelling affection, easily offended)
5- Low Evaluation of Others (feeling critical, desiring to gossip)
6- Feeling Contentious (tug of war feeling= emnity, preparing for battle- stacking your case)
7- Feeling Defensive (trying to excuse yourself and blame others)
8- Unteachable or Disobedient (resisting counsel (acting deaf), unwilling to change or learn)

C. TREATMENT: LOVE
1- Focus on the other person's needs who is bothering you instead of your own.
    -Spend less money and give more to others.  (SACRIFICE)
2- Prolong decisions until there is an enthusiastic joint agreement (win-win).
    -Ask respectfully for favors and let go of unrealistic expectations.
3- Restrain your anger.  Recognize the offense, pause (don't react immediately), evaluate it's degree, decide whether to lovingly confront them or forbear (drop it)
4- Sleep or give SERVICE to them to calm down or soften your heart.
5- Pump in positive thoughts about them.
6- Pray constantly, sing hymns, and have a sense of humor
7- Be quick to apologize and admit you are wrong, even if you are not.
(Look in the MIRROR when things go wrong= blame yourself;
Look out the WINDOW when things go well= give the credit to others)
8- Take each others' counsel.  Regularly have chat time, not in the heat of the moment.


                                       

Mothers Who Know, Do Less

 After a recent emotional breakdown at dinner, my wise son, Packer, commented that I was trying to play the whole field again.  I sat down and wrote down everything that I was trying to do and it was an overwhelming list. I knew I needed to CPR (categorize, PURGE, rearrange) some of the things on my "to do list."  I sat up all night trying to decide which things to get rid of. In the morning, I re-read Julie Beck's talk, "Mothers Who Know" and it gave me my guidelines:
WHAT MOTHERS SHOULD BE:
1- Teachers
2- Leaders/Planners
(We should plan for future missions, temple marriages, education, and regular family worship)
3- Homemakers
(We should be doing a lot of cooking and cleaning-we should be the BEST homemakers in the world)
*I like that because Myriam told me yesterday after implementing this talk (and because it's the Olympics season) that I get a gold medal for being the cleanest mom in the world.
WHAT MOTHERS SHOULD DO LESS OF:
1. Media
2. Distractions
3. Activities that pull family members away from the home
4. Spending and consuming the world's goods
WHAT MOTHERS SHOULD DO MORE OF:
*Notice, she puts the dejunking (doing less of) first, so there is SPACE for the things to do more of.
1. Eating together
2. Working together
3. Reading together
4. Talking together
5. Laughing together
6. Singing together
7. Exemplifying
*Preserve your limited energy for the things that MATTER MOST.
I think I will need to regularly write my list and cross off as things creep back in.

Here was my to do list just for memory sake:
Teach all my children piano
Teach young women piano
Tutor young women in math
Play basketball with stake and ward Relief Society Sisters
Plan perfectly balanced and healthy menus
Teach/Cook meals with my children
Make everything from scratch (bread, yogurt, brown rice, beans)
Take toddlers to music time at the rest home
Take toddlers to storytime at the library
Teach Holland preschool
Teach Benson primary songs
Cut everyone's hair
Shop every sale day (Mon- bananas, Wed- milk, Sat- bountiful baskets)
Attend the temple every week
Date Donny every week
Organize Book Clubs (family and school)
Attend PTA meetings
Have child interviews every night
Maintain a clean house (especially bathrooms)
Visit mother-in-law twice a week
Attend Young Women meetings and Activities
Prepare young women lessons
Visit Teach
Read every marriage book
Prepare and teach a marriage class
Do old and new Valentine's traditions
Take kids to medical and dental appointments
Do homework with boys and make sure they turn it in.
Do Personal Progress and help Sadie and the other young women do theirs
Organize and participate in Millville tennis tournament
Play sports and games with children and their friends
Preside at family mealtimes and meetings
Hold family reading every evening
Motivate attendance and reverence at family scripture study, family home evening, and prayers
Motivate the boys to read on their own for school and church
Exercise daily
Study scriptures every morning
Regularly do family history work (be self-reliant on temple names)
Sing to elderly
Sew bagpipe bags and kilts for Donny
Practice the organ daily
Play the organ in church every 4th Sunday
Read 2-3 classics a month
Sing in ward and stake choirs
Host Donny's family
Provide choirs for children to sing in (insitute, stake conference, nauvoo)
Stay in tough with extended family (email, instagram, facebook)
Watch family movies
Host BYU football games for friends
Watch Sadie and Young Women play basketball
Coach Myriam's soccer team and attend all games
Take and pick up kids from scouts/activity days/student council
Supervise all cooking and cleaning
Bath toddlers
Help Packer and Myriam study for the spelling bee
Support Zumba at the church
Visit parents in Centerville

Monopoly and Mentoring

We have been playing a lot of monopoly with our 4 older kids lately. It can sure bring out emotions-even in me. Myriam dominated and Packer was constantly trying to give his money to those who were losing.
I realized a good life lesson. Just going around and around the board won't help you win. You have to build. I often go around in circles of routine in my life and get nowhere unless I am building relationships.
I have learned two MENTORING techniques for helping me build better relationships with my children lately:
1- INVENTORY
   a. Close your eyes and picture one of your children
   b. Ask yourself, "What does this child need?" (Ponder/Pray)
   c. Write down the main thought you have.  
    It could be temporal (new pants,shoes), social/emotional (friends, fun), 
    spiritual (help with prayers), physical (activity, healthy food)
   d. Plan a time on your calendar to meet that need.
   e. Repeat this process for each child (and your spouse). *This can be done weekly and also during or after a tough emotional moment. My wise friend, Christine, taught me that rebellion is a sign of unmet needs.
2- INTERVIEWS
   a. Find an unrushed time when you can connect with your child (like bedtime tuck in)
   b. Ask them quesitons to get them to open up to a flowing conversation.  
    You are tapping into their inherent desires/passions, not your goals for them.
    (What are you excited about?  What do you want to do/accomplish?
     What do you need?   What are you struggling with?)
   c. Listen to what they are really saying and feeling. Tune in completely.
   d. Respond with love and understanding not lecturing or criticising.
   e. Identify what their needs are and plan how you can help them.
   (Ask yourself as you look at them and listen- "What does this child need?")

Popcorn for piano

Lately we have found a great motivation for practicing the piano-POPCORN.
We each love to eat a big bowl with peanut m&ms on Friday movie night.
This last month, we have tried having them earn 1/2 c popcorn for every piano song they pass off. It has been working so well- they have been passing off 5-7 songs each week. This is cheaper than paying a piano teacher!
(they earn 3 M&Ms. For every night that they got ready for bed in under 10  minutes)