The PRIDE Disease

Donny and I taught a marriage seminar this week.
We decided that the best marriage advice is to kill pride.
We compared it to a disease, like cancer, that can spread within us without us even realizing it.
If untreated, it will ruin us and the relationships we have with others, especially our spouse.
Here's a summary:

A. DEFINITION of PRIDE:
1- Arrogant, Hauty, Overbearing
2- Emnity (hatred, hostility, opposition) toward God & Others

B. SYMPTOMS:
1- Feeling Bothered or Selfish (ungenerous or seeking more than others)
2- Acting like a Dictator (controlling, demanding, forcing our way)
3- Justifying our Hatred (feeling angry and unforgiving or unmerciful)
4- Feeling Cold (repelling affection, easily offended)
5- Low Evaluation of Others (feeling critical, desiring to gossip)
6- Feeling Contentious (tug of war feeling= emnity, preparing for battle- stacking your case)
7- Feeling Defensive (trying to excuse yourself and blame others)
8- Unteachable or Disobedient (resisting counsel (acting deaf), unwilling to change or learn)

C. TREATMENT: LOVE
1- Focus on the other person's needs who is bothering you instead of your own.
    -Spend less money and give more to others.  (SACRIFICE)
2- Prolong decisions until there is an enthusiastic joint agreement (win-win).
    -Ask respectfully for favors and let go of unrealistic expectations.
3- Restrain your anger.  Recognize the offense, pause (don't react immediately), evaluate it's degree, decide whether to lovingly confront them or forbear (drop it)
4- Sleep or give SERVICE to them to calm down or soften your heart.
5- Pump in positive thoughts about them.
6- Pray constantly, sing hymns, and have a sense of humor
7- Be quick to apologize and admit you are wrong, even if you are not.
(Look in the MIRROR when things go wrong= blame yourself;
Look out the WINDOW when things go well= give the credit to others)
8- Take each others' counsel.  Regularly have chat time, not in the heat of the moment.


                                       

Mothers Who Know, Do Less

 After a recent emotional breakdown at dinner, my wise son, Packer, commented that I was trying to play the whole field again.  I sat down and wrote down everything that I was trying to do and it was an overwhelming list. I knew I needed to CPR (categorize, PURGE, rearrange) some of the things on my "to do list."  I sat up all night trying to decide which things to get rid of. In the morning, I re-read Julie Beck's talk, "Mothers Who Know" and it gave me my guidelines:
WHAT MOTHERS SHOULD BE:
1- Teachers
2- Leaders/Planners
(We should plan for future missions, temple marriages, education, and regular family worship)
3- Homemakers
(We should be doing a lot of cooking and cleaning-we should be the BEST homemakers in the world)
*I like that because Myriam told me yesterday after implementing this talk (and because it's the Olympics season) that I get a gold medal for being the cleanest mom in the world.
WHAT MOTHERS SHOULD DO LESS OF:
1. Media
2. Distractions
3. Activities that pull family members away from the home
4. Spending and consuming the world's goods
WHAT MOTHERS SHOULD DO MORE OF:
*Notice, she puts the dejunking (doing less of) first, so there is SPACE for the things to do more of.
1. Eating together
2. Working together
3. Reading together
4. Talking together
5. Laughing together
6. Singing together
7. Exemplifying
*Preserve your limited energy for the things that MATTER MOST.
I think I will need to regularly write my list and cross off as things creep back in.

Here was my to do list just for memory sake:
Teach all my children piano
Teach young women piano
Tutor young women in math
Play basketball with stake and ward Relief Society Sisters
Plan perfectly balanced and healthy menus
Teach/Cook meals with my children
Make everything from scratch (bread, yogurt, brown rice, beans)
Take toddlers to music time at the rest home
Take toddlers to storytime at the library
Teach Holland preschool
Teach Benson primary songs
Cut everyone's hair
Shop every sale day (Mon- bananas, Wed- milk, Sat- bountiful baskets)
Attend the temple every week
Date Donny every week
Organize Book Clubs (family and school)
Attend PTA meetings
Have child interviews every night
Maintain a clean house (especially bathrooms)
Visit mother-in-law twice a week
Attend Young Women meetings and Activities
Prepare young women lessons
Visit Teach
Read every marriage book
Prepare and teach a marriage class
Do old and new Valentine's traditions
Take kids to medical and dental appointments
Do homework with boys and make sure they turn it in.
Do Personal Progress and help Sadie and the other young women do theirs
Organize and participate in Millville tennis tournament
Play sports and games with children and their friends
Preside at family mealtimes and meetings
Hold family reading every evening
Motivate attendance and reverence at family scripture study, family home evening, and prayers
Motivate the boys to read on their own for school and church
Exercise daily
Study scriptures every morning
Regularly do family history work (be self-reliant on temple names)
Sing to elderly
Sew bagpipe bags and kilts for Donny
Practice the organ daily
Play the organ in church every 4th Sunday
Read 2-3 classics a month
Sing in ward and stake choirs
Host Donny's family
Provide choirs for children to sing in (insitute, stake conference, nauvoo)
Stay in tough with extended family (email, instagram, facebook)
Watch family movies
Host BYU football games for friends
Watch Sadie and Young Women play basketball
Coach Myriam's soccer team and attend all games
Take and pick up kids from scouts/activity days/student council
Supervise all cooking and cleaning
Bath toddlers
Help Packer and Myriam study for the spelling bee
Support Zumba at the church
Visit parents in Centerville