We have been playing a lot of monopoly with our 4 older kids lately. It can sure bring out emotions-even in me. Myriam dominated and Packer was constantly trying to give his money to those who were losing.
I realized a good life lesson. Just going around and around the board won't help you win. You have to build. I often go around in circles of routine in my life and get nowhere unless I am building relationships.
I have learned two MENTORING techniques for helping me build better relationships with my children lately:
1- INVENTORY
a. Close your eyes and picture one of your children
b. Ask yourself, "What does this child need?" (Ponder/Pray)
c. Write down the main thought you have.
It could be temporal (new pants,shoes), social/emotional (friends, fun),
spiritual (help with prayers), physical (activity, healthy food)
d. Plan a time on your calendar to meet that need.
e. Repeat this process for each child (and your spouse). *This can be done weekly and also during or after a tough emotional moment. My wise friend, Christine, taught me that rebellion is a sign of unmet needs.
2- INTERVIEWS
a. Find an unrushed time when you can connect with your child (like bedtime tuck in)
b. Ask them quesitons to get them to open up to a flowing conversation.
You are tapping into their inherent desires/passions, not your goals for them.
(What are you excited about? What do you want to do/accomplish?
What do you need? What are you struggling with?)
c. Listen to what they are really saying and feeling. Tune in completely.
d. Respond with love and understanding not lecturing or criticising.
e. Identify what their needs are and plan how you can help them.
(Ask yourself as you look at them and listen- "What does this child need?")
